Here is a
child who would like to hear from other children with parents who
drink too much, making the child feel sad and angry. If this fits
you, send your story along and we'll post
the best ones here so all can share. E-mail your comments to
webmaster@depressedchild.org. We protect the confidentiality of
everyone, but the Depressed Child needs to know your name.
When I was 8 years old, we moved. Soon after that, my family noticed
my dad’s alcohol problem. He was sent to prison for a little while
because of it, but after that, he started getting treated. He has
been slowly getting better at resisting alcohol but occasionally I
can smell and see its effects.
Soon after that, my mom started drinking. She drank really bad and
was asleep on the couch almost all day. We had to send her to detox
about 6-7 times so far and treatments 3-5, but every time she got
home, when nobody was looking, she would get drunk.
When my parents are drunk, I feel entitled to look out for them and
make sure they are safe. Sometimes when they are asleep, I go out
and check if they are still breathing...
Eventually, my parents started hating each other and so my mom had
to move in with my grandparents. Now our family has been torn apart
as I have grown away from my parents and we have run out of money.
We are using a food card to survive.
I envy some of my friends at how big their houses are and how much
stuff they have when I have nothing very good. Sure I still have
video games but seeing what my friends have with their wii’s and
x-box 360’s, I really envy them. But at the same time I know how
lucky we are that we have those few luxuries.
Sometimes in school I just sit there, staring blankly at the wall. I
really wish that alcohol had never been invented and that everybody
could just be happy and nice to each other. But human nature
prevents that. At times I just want to beat the snot out of my
parents and scream at them for being so stupid and putting me at
risk. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Pretend it isn’t
happening and hold everything in, or scream and yell and cuss to
blow off steam?
Sometimes I also wonder if I will ever be truly happy. I hope that
one day this will all be over. I never want to feel like this again
after its over -- which only God knows when (if he even exists,
which I’m starting to doubt due to his inaction to help us). It’s
hard to cope with everything in the world, but, as a friend recently
told me, “If you hope for long enough, everything will end up right
in the end”.
I hope whoever reads this can learn from my story and the other
stories on this website to know that they aren’t the only one out
there with these feelings, although sometimes it feels like it. Its
even worse if you are an only child like me because you have nobody
to help ease the pain and confide in.
A Child of Alcoholics